for signs she is interested in someone else. But this past 6 months I see things slipping and I feel we are not getting that closeness and are becoming more distant even though we do many things together. But here I sit.pissed off. No amount of counseling or therapy etc etc will change this. What shes done to me all these years was downright evil ! I have difficulty ejaculating and often, cannot get erections with her. ), then it's worth her talking to her doctor. I have spent most of my life not being spoiled by anyone. So, Im on my own unless I decide to cheat. Hormonal therapy can give you cancer, stroke. I have had a suspicious breast biopsy. Would you prefer I see prostitutes or have a girlfriend on the side to take care of my needs? Before the ink was dry on the marriage license, shed already decided she was done being nice. No one wants to talk about it. We does not seeem to need to hug or cuddle either. Both Men and women slow down there sex drive but women sex drive is so on the back burner and frankly they dont care about mens sex drive needs. Try to keep things fun and adventurous between the sheets so that your wife is unable to resist you. Its is not your role. Most dont ever have this figured out. Im a 66 year old man whos been in a sexless marriage for 33 years. Her body, emotions, and mind were changing. I have tried to have a heartfelt conversation but he is not willing to talk about it. Ive lived through a sexless marriage myself. The only relief that I get from my pain is physical pleasure. I have a simple fix for all this. We dont understand anything about foreplay or romance. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. I am planning a divorce, as I wont live out the remaining 20-30 years of my life without love and affection. Here are some possible openings finesse one or more of these to fit your comfort and style: I strongly suggest that you see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor for guidance. She isnt enthusiastic about that idea. Thomas, I agree! I made the decision that I would just say screw it and NOT think about sex at all. For many of us, male and female, the virtue of sex resides in the shared experience. It wasnt until I got married at age 40 that I realized that my problem probably wasnt sexual boredom but something else. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. Just do it to make her feel good. 3. Indifferent withholders like my wife NEVER get better and their partners either leave or become bitter! I sure want too. Related Reading: How Do You Deal With A Quarrelsome Wife? Shes the mother of our kids! Adding, However, just because your wife avoids physical contact doesnt necessarily mean theres bound to be infidelity involved. I told her that men my age generally took longer to orgasm and for sex to be mutually enjoyable, we both needed to have pleasure. Discussing the problem is a problem in itself because she simply get very irritated and by it and thats the end of that! Due to major health issues and aging, we just quit altogether. He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself. It is possible that a lack of sex may have shifted your focus on physical intimacy whereas a lack of emotional intimacy may be driving your wife away from the idea of sex. Are there any people at all who have actually solved this any other way apart from no more proper sex or divorce? "Having small children is a frequent and legitimate excuse for not having sex.". Theres nothing wrong with giving yourself sexual pleasure. Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, coupled with a sea of hormonal changes at different stages of life, can make a woman gain weight and send her self-esteem nosediving. So much hurt involved, and guilt. How To Romantically Flirt With Your Spouse? Research shows that sexual communication was. Then tell them what your plans are or not, but do not put your sexual and intimacy needs on hold the rest of your life because it is the sign you love someone. So selfish and controlling . We are still asexually active and every time we see couples enjoying sex, it puts extreme sadness in our souls because we are faithful to our partner. As I recall when we first started dating we were watching porn together. Husband even can not touch her, let alone touch to arouse her. Whatever it is, the impact for you is that you don't feel loved or cared about the same. Thats what hurts me is the constant rejection. Wish she would just say so. That lie: its not important, only if you want it. To survive youll need to cheat or else go insane. There are many types of intimacy, and they tend to dovetail. We are both quite healthy but she has little interesting sex now. In other words, pressure makes for bad sex even when you actually end up having it, and all that pressure and bad sex might make your wife just lose interest in sex completely. Hi I always thought by the time I retired, I would have both the time and energy to truly connect sexually with my spouse without worrying about kids interrupting, getting up early for work or that sex had to be scheduled. You cant have me, but you cant have anybody else, is the most selfish and controlling position possible. Praying for these husbands. So Im frustrated as hell, but I love her and wont cheat on her no matter what. Cheers Rl. Joan Price is the authorof several books including The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 andthe award-winning self-help bookNaked at Our Age.Visit Joans blog, Naked at Our Age and herFacebook page. Sounds like you had a good long run and shouldnt be complaining. that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. (Note to women reading this thread: though the accepted wisdom is women love big penises, Ive found in my experience that its certainly not universal. Now after almost 50 years of marriage, I get two aging people going through the motions of life with a hug and a quick peck on the lips because to desire more means I am stressing him out or asking too much. Bob, my wife is the same way, says she feels bad she has zero interest in sex, but doesnt offer anything like oral or HJ either. In some cases, this can escalate intopostpartum depression, which is a common reason why many women experience a lack of sexual desire after childbirth. I hear ya. It is not the loss of testicles as much as the loss of the prostate gland. I feel like Ive been through hell. If your wife has recently lost interest in sex, it might be tied to her feelings about her body these days. Plus why would you want to have sex with someone who isnt interested? Whenever equality or egalitarianism gets discussed in the context of marriage, you can be sure this will involve benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that men have that ought to be shared equally with women and not benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that women have that ought to be shared equally with men. Hi, Nice advice. If you are not communicating about this, nothing will change. Why would he ever have too? Recently she will get naked and say I just want you to cum. I am aware of the risks, and am more than willing to live with them, rather than go back to how I was before. But when I try to go to the next level. She needs someone to act as a buffer, to provide support and not make it seem like shes in it alone. The wife never initiates physical contact if shes unhappy with the strength of the relationship, says Gopa. Prostitutes are not a good option since all the bad stuff in the sex industry world and I feel that I am too old to move on and I am not a chick magnet. But I still love her and will be heartbroken when that day comes. I couldnt relate to those feelings, but I was expected to understand them as a husband. Ask your wife about how she's feeling about the relationship, about you, and about your life together, and see how you can get your relationship back to a good place. Many marriages have been ruin, husband are sad, desperate, when wives started to isolate themselves. Regardless of the reason your wife has pulled away from you, you must confront the situation. I have been a loyal affectionate hard working husband ( I would say that!) Agree Sean. 330 Comments Right. * https://disqus.com/admin/universalcode/#configuration-variables If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. She said that I can take care of myself in the shower and that is just fine with her. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. But the giving up on relationship and each other is what happens. . Its not all about sex its about intimacy, and that is missing. But I do it, why? A husband must shoehorn that sex drive into the confines of marriage, where only his wife can accommodate it. I am free to masturbate without hiding it, just dont ask for sex, ever. Its all a crock. Because we always hear guys complaining! Im just sad and trying to figure things out. He spent 100.00 on his mother as he forgot to get her a card why cant he forgive me ? Also, expand your definition of sex. While its true that marriage isnt for everyone, it certainly isnt worthless. Another reason "my wife never initiates physical contact" may be due to hormonal changes. So maybe try treating he how you did when first met. LoL. We went to separate colleges and this was before cell phones and computers. I mean, we have a nightly generic kiss and slight hug say goodnight. Senior Planets comments are open for all readers/subscribers; we love hearing from you! That last sentence got my attention. Now masturbation does not work so well. He is unhappy with the state of your relationship. Now it is back to looking at every other couple as maybe having something unattainable for me and my Wife. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? I married, not for love but because was told I could do worse. Less. **Women are constantly told to shut up and accept. But I have stayed true to her for our entire marriage . I have read here about mostly women who do not desire sex, but let me tell you, men not wanting or giving their female partners sex is an unmentionable crisis in our homes. Sex ended, period. Virtually every woman Ive been with, and there werent that many, experienced a lot of discomfort with me penetrating them no matter how gentle and slow I took it, with or without lube, and regardless of how excited they were). I would do just about anything to have a willing partner like you! That may be one reasons why so many husbands. If your wife wont touch you, maybe something has changed. She never apologized. Id rather die than lose him. BIG mistake. Right now Im going on over three months since shes wanted sex. We men are not brain dead. Scented coconut oil is a great way to give her a message. For senior sex news, tips, event and webinar announcements, and special offers,join Joans mailing list. Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me - He Rejects Your Hugs, Kisses, And Touch. The only difference is that if we separate I will not have the van!! She has just lost interest. Men provide protection, stability, and resources. , motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy. State your case, either put out or leave me get some on the side, because you dont care. Why do men who want more sex end up insulting someone who has a pet? And that's perfectly fine! He is overly stressed from work. It might be seen as an act of charity on the womans part, but is it really a healthy recipe for life? This kind of if the man would only be more __ advice saturates the internet and its usually written by people with degrees instead of wisdom. Men empathize with women in a way that women do not with men; men *want* to make decisions that benefit women, individually and as a group (the Women are Wonderful effect, which both men and women exhibit). The problem with respecting a partner who doesnt want sex any longer, is that the other person who does want sex needs to be respected too. Love and mutual respect must be the basis for any human relationship. I feel like its just my life now. I bet theres either something from you, or shes hiding a big lie. Good luck to you all and hope the juices start flowing soon for those that feel deprived. For a woman, as she ages, she needs time to get into that sexual mindset and anticipation is a great aphrodisiac. Thank you for recognizing a very very bad situation and trying to remedy. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. When we first met, we had sex 2X a day morning and night. From that point on, Croatia, Greece Island, every best ski area out west. Semi handsome for an old guy. Cheating is easy and you deserve it. I am male. Yeah. After everything a woman does in one day compare to what most lazy men would say. So, heres what I did. the women stop trying once you give them what they want. She looks at it like I was cheating on her. Fun-loving, Honest and Straightforward. In other cases, when the in-laws are constantly meddling the resentment may make it seem like you have an unloving wife but shes actually just frustrated at the lack of privacy, says Gopa. Husbands (and I was one) are men who figured out too late that they are being played for fools. })(); There is hope on the horizon. Still in love with Vicky. It is now marketers more to females also, which isnt improving relationships. I rest my case. If your wife thinks she may have vaginal atrophy, I hope shell see a knowledgeable doctor or pelvic floor therapist to get a diagnosis and treatment plan that can alleviate her discomfort. Bring back date night (without the pressure to have sex), or simply spend more time talking to each other about your inner worlds: your feelings, your fears, your frustrations, your hopes and dreams. Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning, supportive of a partner struggling with mental health, it's OK to not want sex with your partner, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25855662/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5994393/. If your wife won't touch you, maybe something has changed. Although she initially helped with my toddlers, she eventually lost interest and helped only occasionally. No way not ever. He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. My opinion only, so, most likely only worthy in my estimation. Save yourself it is merely self preservation. You risk losing it all for the same quick minute that you already have with your wife. Youre describing my dilemma to a tee. U have no choice but to leave!!! That may not be possible. A woman figures that out, shell be HAPPILY married! It may also help to learn about different forms of desire discrepancy. If it was the husband doing that wives would be screaming How dare You. But how does that viewpoint help you find happiness in life? . Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. If your wife is avoiding sex, the emotional connect is missing, 5. So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. Agree, I have accepted the fact Im now in a sexless marriage, ugh! Ya over 40 years with out not a problem. For a short time shed schedule sex once a week whether or not she felt like itbut then menopause hit and sex dwindled again, diminishing to once or twice a year until we stopped having sex altogether. Addressing these issues will likely buoy your sex life naturally. I am 53 and my wife is 55. My wife has offered to let me move on, the problem is I love her and everything else about our relationship. Particularly in marriages between men and women, women still do the vast majority of household labor and childcare, even when both partners are spending an equal number of hours at work. And its been going that way for years. Or when it doesnt really get hard, does the throbbing stop also in men? 3. "As we age, the vaginal lining becomes thinner, less elastic, and produces less moisture. If that is not possible, it may be too late. I cant believe a respected Sex Therapist has Keep Masturbating as an answer. Whats more, you are not doomed to be in a sexless marriage! Only once really in love. Or does it not matter what the man wants? Does your wife struggle with self-love? I lve my wife more now then when we got married. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. . That can happen because of a lack of communication, a lack of understanding or just misinterpreting what their spouse is thinking. For men the cost is being far more productive than hed need to be if caring only for himself and to forsake all other partners in pairing with his wife exclusively. If you're feeling rejected sexually, spice up your appearance. We often have no relationship with our partner outside of that shared with the children," OB/GYN Susan Hardwick-Smith, M.D., writes in her book Sexually Woke. If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for marital counseling. She always had 2 orgasms before me. Isnt going to happen. In such a case, it could be the reason why your wife avoids intimacy. Women arent suitable for long term monogamy. I love her. Not only may this put her off being intimate, but you may be setting yourself and your wife up for a stressful encounter. Many seniors are in the same situation and we feel your pain. We have tried many times and many ways to lose weight, but his belly doesnt change much and hes passed his growing stage of life. After all of that, the thought of intimacy at night becomes almost like another chore, says Gopa. Weve been married nearly 39 years and needless to say the last couple of decades I could have done without his aloofness. She would never agree to an open relationship and I shouldnt be unhappy. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. She saw her doctor and prescribed a lube but it irritated her. My Boyfriend Doesn't Seem Interested in Me Sexually Anymore: 11 Reasons He's Lost Interest 1. Please explain to me. She is unhappy with your lack of hygiene, 12. Over the years this causes deep anger and then revulsion in the female. Yet she constantly professes love. Are you crazy? That leaves us with so many perverts running around today inept at forming a real relationship, fantasy is in sadly. Or simplify it by bringing home her favorite wine and dining on your patio after the kids are in bed. If that is in fact part of the problem, then there nothing that I can do or hope to do. I am not the same, never will be. My wife I encourage to have her hobbies and she is a nice person. Ive been teaching this to other young men for some time. Living alone would reduce frustration of a non-response. Womens inherent nesting instinct naturally shifts their focus to family and kids, and this may, in turn, affect the mind space she can allocate to you and sexual desires. She sleeps in the other room. Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. I wont lecture: youve all read about it. But, and hopefully it is, if you still connect at that level in any way, please do so. What is the point of being married if there is no intimacy? Add Cialis if you want solid tree trunk hardness. Well said my friend. I guess. So, I know my only option is accept this is my life from here on. The Bible says to not deny one another because it leads to stumbling. That's part of it, but in long-term relationships, sex is also the fastest route for a man to feel close and connected to his wife. She tricked me, I fell in love, we have 4 grown awesome me, the model relationship in our large family. . I agree with Trish, Frustrated Daughter. You know what I dont need to know the answer. Unfortunately the one thing that was supposed to save civilization was the internet. He is a kind man and I love him. Drugs and orgasm. We must have sex or blow up, not a choice. The experts have very little to offer. A little over 43 without sex, or dealing with her, I do my own thing and dont really care what she does. I am 79 and my wife is 75 and our sex life is as good as ever. Not addressing the problem out of fear of confrontation will only make matters worse. my dad still wants to have sex but my mom is too tired and no longer comfortable with sex. God as our designer and maker knows what is best for us. I think I was just the sperm donor and now I am the sugar daddy that provides her a comfortable life. // IMPORTANT: Replace EXAMPLE with your forum shortname! She told me after having foreplay she thinks her vagina is dead because nothing arouses her. Ill say this, If you truely love your spouse and THEY need intimacy, find a way to make SOMETHING happen because you are killing them. Its a bummer most times. Ive no where to go. Makes me feel worth lessnot worthless.worth. She had a hysterectomy years ago do to cancer concerns, about 5 years ago she had a stroke like episode but there where no signs of actual stroke damage and she had started botox/steroid therapy in her spinal column for pain issues so there is suspicion that caused it, but because of a possible stroke they wont give estrogen. She told me a few years ago that she felt sorry for me because of her lack of sexual desire. Just like mental health, physical well-being is also essential for women to feel sexually charged up. Could I just ask the question? Id say he has some other issues. Resentment in the marriage eventually leads to conflict and arguments. You can help by mediating such issues or chalking a way out of the problem together, to restore her peace of mind and bring back the passion in your bedroom. In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring. He needs to get his hormone levels tested as he is mostly estrogen dominant and low test. It takes two. I feel very bitter about it and although there have been compensations in our marriage- children and now grandchildren I have found her lack of interest difficult to cope with. not someone to basically jerk off into. As far as the guy I liked, nothing ever came of it. , such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. Wow. We try vaginal sex sometimes but even lubing doesnt help all that much. Im just trying to talk to her and it pisses her off anytime I bring it up Im tired of masturbating two to three times a week so I can focus on the everyday things Im going on 33 years of marriage and this started at 15 years. Im 87 years young and my vibrator is busy. For me, its been 8x in 3 yearsand Ive tried talking about it with him as frequency has dwindled to essentially nothing. This is especially true of couples in their 40s and 50s, or those who have been married more than 10-15 years. You either need to leave or stay in it knowing that she is sexless towards you. She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. Peter: she wouldnt interest you shes like me now old, cranky, take pills and fat. Then,move on. A very wise woman my grandma. Give her some time to destress by setting up a candlelit bath with her favorite essential oils and bath soak. We have done counseling and it always comes back to my issues which I work on but have never seen any change from her. That leads to I dont like you. She understands that its hard for me, but we both dont know what to do about the situation. How can a person be so shallow that they base their lifelong relationship on whether or not their wife can help them empty their balls? If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. I am starting to go to prostitutes is this wrong? There is only one person I love adore and desire. I just accept that I could not control it and that it is Gods will for me. (d.head || d.body).appendChild(s); Withholding sex as punishment is hostile you deserve better. The only thing I have now is masturbation about 3 times a week. I cant stop thinking about it. Loved and desired! Even with all the gadgets and hired help, modern women have a lot on their plate. But we didnt know what we had. The most affection I can show without her being irritated is spooning for a short period when were in bed Id better not move my hands to caress her!