[pulling some goo out of the sink] Withnail: - Monty: Youre going to finish the vegetables. We'll have another pair of large scotches. Half an hour? These are the sort of windows faces look in at! Waitress: Bastard asked me to understudy Konstantin in The Seagull. We shall buy this place and fire you immediately. Oh dear no no No, I'd be sucked into his trap! The older order changeth, yielding place to new. The only people he converses with are his clients, and occasionally the police. We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires! [shouting at his cat] Laisse-moi, respirer, longtemps, longtemps, l'odeur de tes cheveux. One of us has got to stay on guard. But sooner or later you've got to get out because it's crashing. I think it's time to release you from the lgumes, and transfer your talents to the meat. Grab its ring. Richard E. Grant Is Making Self-Isolation Fun With Classic 'Withnail www.bbcamerica.com. Withnail: [reading graffiti] You fill this with piss, take this pipe down the trouser and sellotape this valve to the end of the old chap. Marwood: Suits me. Do you know, when you first came in here I knew you were a services man. Withnail: Alright, we're going to have to work quickly. Withnail: Look at this; accident blackspot? Had a weight under his fez. Voila! What should we do? Hello? Withnail: Listen to me, listen to me! Why can't I have an audition? Ponce! I'm glad you're the proprietor, I was gonna have to have a word with you anyway. Wake up, you bastard or I burn this bastard bed down! Withnail: This doll is extremely dangerous. They are playing poker with bottle tops and a . Withnail: It's got to warm up. Marwood: Withnail: Scrubbers! All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your f***ing appendix doesn't mean anything! Withnail and I Quotes. Uncle Monty: (referring to his cat) Yet again that oaf has destroyed my day! Followed by yet another anecdote about his sensitive crimes in a punt with a chap called Norman who had red hair and a book of poetry stained with the butter drips from crumpets. Why can't I have an audition? The carrot has mystery. They dont like me being on stage. Marwood: Marwood: I have just narrowly avoided having a buggering. Look here, my cousin's a QC! We're doing a feature for Country Life. Look out that window, if you see anything, anything at all, tell me. And we want them here, and we want them now! Look at my tongue, it's wearing a yellow sock. Stop saying that, Withnail, of course he's the fucking farmer! We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell. What are we going to do about it? He's building the prototype now. Listen, you young prat. grant . Uncle Monty: Come on lads, let's get home, the sky's beginning to bruise. Withnail : Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up! Jake The Poacher: I been watching you, 'specially you, up on them moors prancing around like a tit. Street: The Embalmer! Oh, look at this little bastard. Withnail: (Wry smile) Sorry about that. DRIVE WITH EXTREME CARE", shouts out of the car window at a man standing on the pavement, Withnail and Marwood are lying in bed together, listening to a man coming inside the cottage. Man delights not me. I feel unusual. If you don't remember the sixties, don't worry - neither did they. I'll swallow it and run a mile! Marwood: My thumbs have gone weird! It's a bloody chicken! Got a randy bull up there. Yeah, I know, but I got the logs in. Come on, old boy. If he comes into my room again, it's murder, and you'll be held responsible in law! He's lent us his cottage. Marwood: Look at him. Imagine getting into a fight with the fucker! Now, come along, he's going to revitalise himself and you're going to finish the vegetables. I think we better release you from the lgume, and transfer your talents to the meat. Marwood: (Voice-over) Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day, and for once I'm inclined to believe Withnail is right. You will make it low. Marwood: [as Marwood walks past him] We do it wrong, being so majestical. You're looking very beautiful, man. I must be out of my mind. I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! Marwood : No, no, you can't. It's impossible, I swear it. Monty: Marwood: What is all this "tactical necessity" and "calculated risk?!" Danny: I might come and see you lads in the week. An expert on bulls you are not! There must and shall be aspirin! Because I want to walk you to the station. [Withnail laughs uncontrollably and drops to the floor]. [during dinner] Something's got to be done. Headhunter to his friends. [in a telephone box, speaking to an operator] Monty: I think there may be something living in there, I think there may be something alive. 4 Mar. What we need is harmony, fresh air, stuff like that., Flowers are essentially tarts. You're looking very beautiful, man. My thumbs have gone weird! [holding up a Fairy Liquid bottle with a strap and a tube]. [the bedroom door slowly opens and the intruder enters with a torch]. Why trust one drug and not the other? *Bastards*! Withnail: Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! I'm not gonna understudy anybody. Withnail: They're selling hippie wigs in Woolworth's, man. I'm good looking. Monty: You are invited to spend an hilarious weekend in the English countryside. Who says it's a Camberwell Carrot? Well, that can't be sensible, can it? [They drunkenly barge into some tearooms]. We worked out it would be handy karma for him to get hold of a suit but he's a very low temperature spade, the Coalman. Withnail: Withnail: Withnail hands Marwood the bag of shopping and jumps over the wall to safety. Find *anything*. Didn't you hear? withnail. This thread is archived. You bloody fool, you should never mix your drinks! [approaching the pub] You never discuss your family do you? [looking at a newspaper] Oh God, it's a nightmare, I tell you, it's a nightmare. And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. Withnail: You little thug! How like an angel in apprehension. Chin-chin. You have done something to your brain. Marwood: [Withnail's lonely, aging homosexual uncle Monty has gone home, leaving a note humbly apologising for the desperate sexual advances he made on Marwood the night before]. Get any more masculine than him and you'd have to live up a tree. If I medicined you, you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present. Withnail: Withnail: [reading the note] Danny: That's worse than meths! let him get his drugs out! We get in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. Maybe he's written this in some moment of drunken sincerity. Danny: If you're hanging on to a rising balloon, you're presented with a difficult decision - let go before it's too late or hang on and keep getting higher, posing the question: how long can you keep a grip on the rope? You lose, you gain Makes no difference so long as you keep taking the pills. you little traitors. These aren't accidents! By the time the doors opened he was arseholed on rum and got progressively more arseholed until he could take no more and fell over at about 12 o'clock. We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here and we want them now! Monty: Even the wankers on the site wouldn't drink that! Outvie him. [holding up a pill] Danny's a genius. Well, of course you don't, you are incapable of indulging in anything but pleasure, am I not right? Dosed 'em. Especially that little pimp! "I'm gonna pull your head off because I don't like your head.". Withnail: [they go and sit down at a table with their drinks]. No, I haven't got another. Get out of it for a while. Danny: How dare you tell him that?! A Massachusetts man was sentenced to probation for running an illegal hare trapping operation in Maine. It'll pass. Throwing themselves into the road gladly to escape all this hideousness! Withnail: I don't know what's in here. Withnail: Free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those who can't. Would you like a drink? Jesus, look at that. No! I often wonder where Norman is now. Sophocles. Withnail: These eels are for my pot. Monty: I'm the firelighter and fuel collector. Danny: No, man. Look at my tongue. Sod your pheasants! Withnail: Now, what makes you think I should give you something for your pot? Withnail: And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black. Withnail: Monty: Screaming like a madman he moves towards the bull, which turns around and runs back through the gate. Honestly. Withnail is walking him to the station in the heavy rain, they stop and look at each other. [she still doesn't answer. Withnail: 'Scuse me. Prostitutes for the bees. You know what we should do? 1 likes. Aren't you getting absurdly high? I'm not having this shag-sack insulting me! Marwood: It's ridiculous. Withnail: [points a fencing sword at Marwood face] [Marwood knocks on the door of a farmhouse. You haven't got a chance! We want the finest wines available to humanity. He's so mauve, we don't know what he's planning! Marwood: I know you're not asleep, boy. Right can anybody explain the here hare here joke from withnail and I? Marwood: "Here. "I fuck arses." Amy Audrey Locke's 1912 In Praise of Winchester offers an anthology of over 100 pages of prose and verse about Winchester College. moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. This is a device enabling the drunken driver to operate in absolute safety. Marwood: Monty: You need working on, boy! Those are the kind of windows faces look in at. Talk. That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. Withnail: Withnail: Old suit?! [eyes filling with tears] Withnail: (He spits out a globule of phlegm) Jesus, look at that. Marwood: I'd never have wanted it, not with him in it! Monty: Web. . Of course he's the fucking farmer! I took drugs to win medals says top athlete Geoff Woade.". Easy for you to say, luvvie, you've had an audition. Well neither have I. We want the finest wines available to humanity. Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. Withnail: Then why has my head gone numb? Listen, I pay you 10 percent to do that. You mustn't blame him. Marwood: [eating chips while taking a bath] Ive got your saveloy. Your desires. Withnail: Marwood: It's a part I intend to play, Uncle. Let him get his drugs out. Tea Shop Proprietor: Marwood puts his hand on Withnail's shoulder]. Withnail: No, he'd like a bit of pleading. It's impossible to use 12 papers on one joint. He went to the other place, Monty. [Danny offers Withnail his huge Camberwell Carrot spliff] Withnail is cowering under the covers]. Burnt! I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum. I couldn't, I'm spaced. He slams it shut and slumps against it, shaken]. Listen, Withnail, it's a stinker. Saint Peter preached the epistles to the apostles looking like that. Withnail: No, no, no, dear boy, you must leave, you must leave. [reading a newspaper] [Mr Parkin is sitting on his tractor with one leg wrapped from thigh to ankle in a plastic fertiliser bag. In this case, it most certainly would not. I dislike relatives in general and in particular mine. Withnail: You're not in the same boat. Withnail: Balls, I'll swallow it and run a mile! I dislike relatives in general and in particular mine. Monty, Monty! He wants to get down there and have sex with those cows. What fucker said that? What had I done to offend him? Withnail: Isaac Parkin: Withnail: [with his mouth full] Withnail: I say, you know what we should do? It'll happen. Discover the priceless words that sparkle and shine here. You know, farmers, travelling tinkers, milkmen, that sort of thing. What's going on? What have you found? A self-sustained nicotine-yellow and fly-blown lung. Withnail: Marwood: *Scrubbers*! Bates novel I'd read. Withnail: Withnail: Withnail: Before I became a journalist I was in the Territorials. 2023. The joint I'm about to roll requires a craftsman. Bastard must have died. Start shouting. I don't care where you come from! When they take a holiday "by mistake" at the country house of Withnail's flamboyantly gay uncle, Monty, they encounter the unpleasant side of the . Withnail: Monty: This ain't fancy dress." Is Marwood in love with Withnail? Oh, you little traitors. 2 quotes have been tagged as withnail-i: Bruce Robinson: 'We've gone on holiday by mistake' and Bruce Robinson: 'Here. Peter Marwood: That's alright, I'll go alone. Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). And it isn't his fault he cannot love you any more than it's mine that I adore you. withnail. No fridges, no televisions, no phones. You can use the left-hand menu to view some of the most popular quotes from the main Withnail and I characters . Oh, my boys, my boys, we're at the end of an age. Goes into court in his caftan and a bell. I tell you, I've a fuck sight more talent that half the rubbish that gets on television. 10 quotes from Withnail and I: the Original Screenplay: 'We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell.' . Parkin's been. We worked out it would be very handy karma for him to get hold of a suit. Don't get uptight with me, man. Opened the oven door and it was in there looking at me. The beauty of the world! They can handle the caftan but they cannot handle the bell. So, there's this judge sitting there in a cape like fucking Batman with this really rather far-out looking hat. [Jake has left a dead hare hanging on the cottage door, along with a note], Monty: Withnail: We'll tell him they had a farmers' conference and had a run on them. I happen to be the proprietor. Withnail is walking him to the station in the heavy rain]. Marwood: We are not drunks, we are multi-millionaires! Your email address will not be published. Danny: I don't advise a haircut, man. Uncle Monty: Here hare here here hare here! He's so mauve, we don't know what he's planning! Withnail: Bastard asked me to understudy Konstantin in The Seagull. Quotes.net. No, that is a dog. Danny: *Fork it*! Danny: Withnail: These are the sort of windows faces look in at! We are 91 days from the end of this decade and there's gonna be a lot of refugees. "Curse of the Superman. You been away? Marwood: We're not from London! Withnail: Danny: Come on lads, let's get home, the sky's beginning to bruise. Let him get his drugs out. But sooner or later you got to get out, because it's crashing. I think you've been punished enough. Chin-chin. [fondling the money Monty has given them to buy Wellingtons] Marwood: The Coalman had to go to Jamaica.
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